Friday, April 4, 2003

the past week i've learned a lot about myself. my econ professor, mr. martinez started off the quarter by telling us how he used to be a major fuckup in his college days. that was a shame because he was really smart in high school and junior high. his first year of college he had a 0.5 gpa, and he kept telling us all of his stories of him goin' to mexico and getting wasted throughout his first year of college. he was living off of his mom and seemed to be destined to fail. but then all of that changed for him.

his future wife tried real hard to help him get his shit together. she promised that she'd go to class with him and take notes for him. hell, she would go to class for him even when he wasn't there. that helped him change a bit...but it wasn't until the the day they had their first child that he realized he had to get his shit together.

it was at that point that his mom cut him off financially. "if you're man enough to have a child then you're man enough to make your own money." from there, he went back to school, graduated and even finished grad school. he did all this other shit because he had a family now. he told us of the old phrase, "behind every strong man is an even stronger woman."

that seemed rather mushy for me...but then he continued on saying a few years after his second child, his wife was killed in a car accident....at that point the entire classroom was dead silent. he then looked at the picture of his wife in his binder and said, "i was destined for failure but then she came along...i do everything for her now...she is my motivation...that's what all of you guys have to find...your motivation. i didn't think i had one but then i finally found it...and it was her...."

his story actually reminds me of me...i had a 0.25 gpa first quarter and i still lack the motivation to get straight A's and B's like i did back in saudi. i've gotta find that motivation again.

there's also been some other things that's happened this week...specifically, my april fools day prank on julie. well, it wasn't really the prank itself but rather the backlash afterwards. i find it real hard when my closest friends, even though they know it was all just a prank, start accusing me of being something that i'm not. that prank took a lot of it out of me and now all of a sudden, gay jokes don't seem so funny to me anymore.

because of all this, i'm making it official that i'm giving up on gay jokes. i'm also gonna cut back heavily on the perverted shit....its like i've been carrying the same immature 6th grade humor with me for the past 9 years. this probably explains why i have never been in a long term relationship...i could never joke around about anything other than perverted gay jokes.

but all of that's gonna change starting today. i'm 21 now. its time for me to start acting like it.