When I can't figure out what to eat, I"¦

1. look at my list of 50 favorite nearby restaurants

2. look at restaurant websites

3. instant message my friends and ask what they've eaten today

4. text message my friends to see what they've eaten today

5. scroll through Instagram for food porn

6. scroll through my own food porn

7. turn on the TV and eat at the first food commercial that pops up

8. lie down and think about food until I either decide on something or I pass out.

That's totally normal, right? lol

"Talking." Courting. Dating. Becoming official. Moving in. Relationship-defining fights. The blessing of her parents. Proposal. Marriage.

I always believed that the whole journey should be honorable.

Maybe I'm just old-fashioned like that.

But I'm slowly opening up to the idea that maybe love doesn't have to follow that script to be honorable.

Sometimes a woman's love overlaps two men for a while before finally committing to the right one.

Sometimes the right one started off as a rebound.

Sometimes two people are right for each other even though some closest friends/family say it's wrong.

Sometimes the right one once dated a close friend.

Sometimes two people falling in love means someone on the outside has to get hurt.

Maybe when it comes to love, the only honor that's needed is two people that are meant for each other, finally finding each other.

And nothing else matters.

I've always believed that if I always treat people the way I want to be treated, good things will happen to me.

That working hard and being kind will take me places.

That what goes around, comes around.

That all the times I've gotten burned is just me paying my dues, and later in life I will be rewarded for my selflessness. For my compassion. For my internal desire to want to make my mark on this world by leaving it a little more beautiful than I found it.

Maybe I'm wrong.

Maybe the only way to get what I really want is to be selfish. To take what I want. To not prioritize anyone or anything else but myself and what I want.

But I don't want that. I don't want to believe that.

I can't explain why it is so deeply entrenched in me to always want to do the right thing, when my biggest losses in the past have proven that I will be just be taken advantage of.

Maybe I'm just being blind. Stupid. Naive. Ignorant. I don't know"¦

But I'll keep trying.

There has to be something good for me out there. Something that'll make everything in the past worthwhile.

At least I hope so.

It's not until waaay after things fell apart that you are finally able to see with clarity:

It's not about what you two did or didn't do to each other.

It's about how you two made each other feel.

[embed]https://twitter.com/melmyfinger/status/179382974112989184[/embed]

10. Keep your promises.
11. Break me out of my introverted shell. Inspire me to step out of my comfort zone.
12. Know when to be patient with me and give me space when I need it.
13. Know when to be blunt and push me harder. Remind me you're pushing me harder because you want what is best for me.
14. Understand that I have an emotional breaking point where my ugly side comes out. And don't judge me for my tendency to hold grudges against people that hurt me to that breaking point.
15. Stick up for me and/or give me the benefit of the doubt when you hear shit about me, and then ask for my side of the story.
16. If you hurt me, you apologize through actions, not just words (or text message).
17. Inspire me to be a better person, especially when I'm struggling.
18. Random acts of kindness. Surprise me with sincerity. Show me that our relationship isn't dependent on me initiating everything.
19. Be straight up with me. No secrets. No lies. Understand that I might get upset at first, but in the long run it will strengthen my trust and respect in you.

The beautiful thing about being such a sentimental person is I remember moments like they just happened yesterday.

The painful thing about being such a sentimental person is I remember moments like they just happened yesterday.

liveajoyfulife:

Sometimes, I just want one person to look me in the eyes and tell me that they understand that I'm hurting and that it's okay. I need someone to tell me that it's okay to hurt, I need someone to tell me it's okay to be angry and upset. I need someone to tell me that I don't need to be strong all the time.

"¦I want to be selfish, just once. I want to cry, yell, throw things, scream at the top of my lungs.

"¦I just want one person to realize that I'm not strong as everyone thinks I am. I just want one person to understand where my bitterness is coming from.

I want just one person to understand.

Sometimes during the process of letting go, we have these moments of weakness. And all we're really looking for is someone to pour our hearts out to — confused feelings, flawed logic, irrational thoughts and all — without the fear of being judged.

Because we're human. We get hurt. We get weak. And healing can take a really, really long time.

-Mel

For the 9th straight year, this is my annual End of the Year blog post that I publish mainly for myself. You are more than welcome to read it (all 9 pages of it), but more realistically, I invite you to do the same survey for yourself. =]

Out of all the years I've done so far, this one was by far the most difficult. This post has been a struggle with finding the right balance of sharing how I really feel and respecting the privacy of some people. It was also a struggle of trying to reflect on everything in a positive way, without reopening certain wounds.

Without any further ado...

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