The last time I went on a cruise was over 10 years ago with my family. I was barely 15, not even close to the legal drinking age, even by international waters standards. Regardless, I had an absolutely amazing time. And ever since then, I had dreamed of going on a cruise with the UDH crew. Unlimited food. A whole lot of booze. Beautiful islands. All with my closest friends. What more could I ask for?
Although a bunch of people had to back out, a handful of guys were able to make it and make history.
August 17, 2007 (1 Day Prior)
Everybody's here!! Even Coal and Finley!
After an awesome lunch at Talia's, we go our separate ways to chill / do errands.
I spend the whole afternoon checking the Hurricane Watch on my iPhone. Hurricane Dean was sweeping through the Caribbean and there was a good chance our cruise would get canceled or postponed. Luckily, our trip is kept on schedule, though rerouted through the Eastern Caribbean instead of the Western.
A few hours later, we meet up at the Shaner's for some awesome homemade gooking. While people get ready, we lounge around and watched the Aramco Brats' Story DVD. Later on, some of us went to good 'ol Funkey Nutz while the rest of us stuck around for some hookah and drinking games.
During a round of King's Cup...
Mel: draws a king
Mel: Okay, new rule:
Mel: Whenever you laugh, you have to snort.
Nico: wtf? :laugh: snort
Mel: :laugh: :laugh: snort
Everyone: :rofl: snort :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: snort :rofl:
August 18, 2007 (Day 1)
One of the most hectic, stressful mornings ever. While everyone else managed to board the ship on time, Samir & I drop off Coal & Finley, finish laundry, pack, drive to Miami airport, hail a cab and barely make it to the dock on time. Closing time is 3:00pm. We get there at 2:57pm. Damn you, Sam.
Boarding time takes over an hour, but we made it. All that stress and anxiety and standing in line makes us work up an appetite. Once on the ship, we make our first trip of many to the snack bar. Grilled onions and sauteed mushrooms, baaaby!
(Sidenote: This was the 2nd time in my life when I ate at least one burger, everyday for over a week.)
After lunch...chillin' and mandatory food coma.
A bit later, Daniel, Erol, Loren and Nico come by our room to wake us up.
Nico: [To Samir] What the fuck are you looking at, faggot?
Nico: ...
Nico: ...Samir?
Once everyone is up, it is time to -lose some money- hit up the casino!!
Two observations:
- Erol makes losing money look like so much fun!
- Techno music in the background makes you want to throw chips around like a robot.
This is officially the beginning of a terrible addiction...
August 19, 2007 (Day 2) -- Fun Day at Sea
This was our first full day out at sea. That means, lotsa sun, lotsa booze and lotsa girls in bikinis. But wait! We there's a Hairy Chest Contest!
Erol!!!!!
As hairy as Erol is, we anticipate that he'll be the underdog. We have to plan a little something extra so he stands a chance. I mean come on, there are some werewolf-hairy motherfuckers out there. We decide to give Erol an advantage...in the form of a sock, a banana and some crotch-cupping shorts. Fuck it, we throw in a Batman mask too.
The Batman mask is sweet, but it's covering up his chest too much. And the shorts aren't gay/european enough.
Perfect. Add the robe, a few stripper moves and we are good to go.
The competition looked alright.
Showtime, Erol!
Contest Host: Put your robe back on! There's kids around here!!!
Great show, Erol! Granny is fucking LOVING IT. The other girls are a little intimidated, but awesome job floppin' your banana.
Oh shit...who the fuck is this guy...
After a disappointing yet inevitable defeat, we spend the rest of the afternoon chillin' on the pool deck.
Soon enough, we have our first formal dinner.
Here's a sample of the type of food we have throughout the trip:
After dinner and a little pre-boozing, we head out to the Karaoke bar.
Compared to our past Karaoke excursions, this bar has a totally different vibe. The place was predominately black and it felt more like Showtime at the Apollo, focusing more on Mo-town type music. Over the course of James Brown impersonations, one-by-one we migrate over to the Piano Bar next door.
The piano guy, Garth, plays a good sport and lets us get as rowdy and drunk as we want. Hell, he even lets us take over the piano for a few songs.
We close the night with drunkness, gambling and of course, free room service.
August 20, 2007 (Day 3) -- San Juan, Puerto Rico
We spend the morning doing the pool deck thing.
We get a little productive and win the trophies for the Trivia Contest.
Then we got back to our perverted ways.
A few hours later, land ahoy!!
We get off the boat a little late but first thing we do is head out to Senior Frogs. We buy some Long Islands (extra long!) in thos gnarley yard stick glasses. The place is bumpin' with people and some typical spring-break-type contests. We eventually head out and check out the rest of Puerto Rico.
Niiiiice!
Nico: Uhh shit, has anyone seen Samir?
We spend most of the night looking asking tourists if they've seen an indian guy with a yellow visor. Then some of us say, "fuck it" and go play some pool at some Irish pub.
August 21, 2007 (Day 4) -- St. Thomas
We arrive at the beautiful island of St. Thomas.
"...No smoking, eating & drinking garbage allowed"
It was raining at first, but the sun came out and it became a perfect beach day.
We spend the rest of the day napping, recovering from sun burns, eating, boozing and gambling.
August 22, 2007 (Day 5) -- Fun Day at Sea
First thing in the morning...
Mel: on the phone
Mel: Hey, do you have any openings for a massage? 10:30? Sounds good.
Mel: hangs up
Alan: You're gonna get a massage by a dude again.
Mel: Fuck you.
Alan: Dude, think about it. They're not gonna allow that "happy ending" shit on a family cruise.
Alan: It's gonna be girl-on-girl, guy-on-guy.
Mel: Fuck you. I'm not gonna let you psych me out.
Fifteen minutes later of fucking with my head...
Mel: Fuck you, guys. I'll prove it.
Mel: calls Justin and Ariana's room
Mel: Yo Justin, you got a massage the other day, right?
Justin: Yah.
Mel: Was it by a chick or a dude?
Justin: It was a guy.
Mel: :uhh: Shit. Not again...
I was psyched out of my mind on the way to the spa, thanks to Alan, James and Samir. But you know what? My masseuse was a chick. A blonde chick from London. She was hot and she rubbed me down good. I rocked a raging woody in her face and I smiled, cuz it was a chick and not a dude! (Fuck you, bastards!)
Anyways.
One observation: there are a lot of kids on the ship, and they are hogging up the pools and jacuzzis. For the most part, we just lounge around. But one of us decides to take action:
Nico: splashes kid in the jacuzzi
7 year old: splashes back
Nico: splashes back harder
Nico: splashes harder
Nico: splashes harder and harder 'til kid goes running off to mommy
:rofl:
Anyways, the day was spent relaxing, a little more gambling and a lot more boozin'.
August 23, 2007 (Day 6) -- Private Island / Alan's Birthday
Just when I thought I've seen some beautiful beaches, we come to a private island off the bahamas. The sand is so soft, it feels like powdered sugar.
After spending the whole day at the beach, we get to party cuz it's Alan's birthday!!
How about a little throwback:
A little gambling action...
And a little bar action...
Oh yeah, let me tell you a story of how my room charges went from 0 to $180 in sixty seconds:
Mel: Ashley, let me buy you a drink.
Ashley: Thanks!
Mel: My pleasure! I...
Erol: interrupts...but what about me, Mel?
Mel: ( :squint: )
Mel: (Fucker! Now that's an extra $10 to my tab or you make me look like a dick in front of Ashley...)
Mel: Sure!
Erol: And what about her brother?
Mel: ( :mad: )
Mel: Sure...
Mel: Bartender! Long islands. Extra long!
Nico: I want one!
Loren: Get me one too!
Alan: Mel, get me a whiskey sour.
Mel: ( :mad: :mad: :mad: )
Mel: More long islands! And a whiskey sour! Extra long!
Mel: (There! Happy birthday, you fucking bastard!)
Once we got a good buzz goin', we hit up the club!
On the dance floor...
Mel: dances with Ariana and Ashley
Mel: checks out blonde Carnival staff chick
Mel: dances towards blonde Carnival staff chick
Blonde Chick: NO NO NO!!!
Mel: dances away from blonde Carnival staff chick
:rofl: [-100 Self-Esteem]
Man, that was so harsh it was funny. As the night went on, I noticed she was checking out Ariana, and the only people she danced with were girls.
She's a lesbian! [+100 Self-Esteem]
Anyways...mandatory bakla picture:
Mandatory Daniel-lighting-a-cigarette picture:
Mandatory drunken-Ariana-kissing picture:
Mandatory circle picture:
And we party the night away:
August 24, 2007 (Day 7) -- Nassau, Bahamas
For our final destination of the trip, we went site-seeing.
Atlantis!
Cruisin' in scooters!
Overall, it was a chill afternoon. Once we got back on the ship, we had our final dinner and hit up the casino floor.
Once midnight rolled around...Happy Birthday, Dan!
August 25, 2007 (Day 8) -- Dan's Birthday / Back in Florida
A couple hours after going to bed, we disembark back in Florida. We split up based on who's picking up who at the dock.
Alan, James, Samir and I spend the afternoon catching up on sleep, doing some errands, eating some Krystal's Burgers and chinese food. We chill at Samir's office for a bit, amusing ourselves with diabetic needles and such.
Later on, we meet at the infamous condo to play poker, chill and have more fun with diabetic needles.
We close the night with recapping all of the good times on the cruise.
Closing Thoughts
It's getting to that point in our lives where we've all graduated and started looking forward to our careers. We can't ask our parents to fund our vacations anymore, and we no longer have regular school vacations to work with. A lot of us had to pull a lot of strings with our bosses to make this work. It's hard to say when the next time we'll be able to get together for a big vacation like this.
Maybe our next big vacation will be our International Wives Tour, when all of us guys are ready to settle down. We'll travel the globe and stay in each country until one of us finds a wife, and then we move on to the next country. Hell, we should make a reality show out of it.
In the meantime, I look forward to any small weekend reunions that'll pop up.
Good food, good friends and good times indeed.
Randoms and Inside Jokes
- Samir's gay sneeze
- Australian BJ
- "James looks like an asian banker."
- "We're not gay. We're Saudi."
- Samir showing us "the brain!!"
- "Go go, Rummel arms!"
- "If Russia attacks Turkey from behind, will Greece help?"
- "Guys, remember the days when just looking at your hand would turn you on?"
- "I call it my 'Tubesteak.'"
- "Smeeeeellllll"
- "Why don't they make thousand dollar chips?"
- How all of us start using random accents when you put all of us in a room together.
- LOL @ woman passed out at the dinner table
- Sloppy Kisses
to...
- Stacey and Rhode Island crew
- "Cali" :naughty:
- Hot girl at next dinner
- Ashley and Jordan
- Michael (room service), Scerel (maitre'd), Reynolds (waiter), Sacha (cocktail waitress) and the bakla filipino waiter with the awesome stripper moves.
- Mexico City crew (that played volleyball with and made me a lot of money at craps)
- Slavana, Claudia and the Carnival casino staff
- Garth the Piano Guy
- Hot russian girl in St. Thomas
- "Amazon" and friend
Links
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