I've spent a lot of my time this year focusing on myself. Taking a step back, looking at the good times I cherish, and the hard times that humbled me. I've been putting it together to see how all of that has affected who I am today.

I'm gaining a much better understanding of myself now. I really starting to understand what makes me tick, what inspires me to take bold steps, and what kind people/things hold me back.

I think know the right formula for me to move on (at least I think I do). I just have to put it all together.

A big part of that formula is getting my career back on track. Because when I have financial freedom, I can go out and spend more time with people that inspire me.

That's why my career has been my top priority for the past year.

Anyways, without any further ado, for my 9th straight year, here is my annual survey.

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7:25:24 PM vickiilee: i like cereal

7:25:24 PM vickiilee: but like

7:25:27 PM vickiilee: its not a meal to me!

7:25:30 PM melmyfinger: right??

7:25:34 PM vickiilee: how does one just eat cereal for breakfast?!

7:25:37 PM melmyfinger: hahaha

7:25:42 PM vickiilee: when i eat cereal

7:25:42 PM melmyfinger: you hvae to eat 3/4th of the box

7:25:45 PM melmyfinger: for it to be a meal

7:25:45 PM vickiilee: i eat like

7:25:47 PM vickiilee: at least 2 bowls

7:25:50 PM melmyfinger: eat it from a salad bowl

7:25:51 PM vickiilee: and like pho bowls

7:25:55 PM melmyfinger: and with a large serving spoon

7:25:56 PM vickiilee: with the big asian spoon

7:25:57 PM vickiilee: LOOOL

7:25:59 PM melmyfinger: for serving large ravioli

7:26:00 PM vickiilee: YES

7:26:02 PM melmyfinger: HAHAHA

If you ever get the chance to know me, you'll find that I am the most sentimental person you'll ever meet. I love remembering anniversaries and key dates. I love keeping a detailed journal and large albums of photos for memories. I love traditions and what they stand for. I love tweeting things like, "Exactly one year ago"¦"

If you've known me in the past four years, you'll know about my most favorite thing to do during the holiday season — the #SantaHat Tradition!

I can't take credit for the idea. I got the idea from a messageboard back in like 2004, where graphic designers volunteered to put Santa Hats on everyone's avatars. I thought it was the coolest idea ever so I held on to that #SantaHat image and tucked it away for a few years.

In December '08, when btvfam started growing together and Facebook took over Myspace, I thought to myself, "how cool would it be to wake up to a ton of Santa Hats all over Facebook?"

So that first holiday season, I made it happen"¦and it was a hit!

• "Whoa, I thought that Santa Hat was real!!"

• "Where the hell are all these Santa Hats coming from?!" —@DerekPortea

• "I want a Santa Hat!" —@AndrewAGarcia

• "I don't remember them wearing Santa Hats when I took that picture"¦Oh wait a minute, I see what you did there!" --@LoloPhoto

But there is one reaction in particular that I will always remember:

@micah_moo randomly broadcasting on BlogTV, wearing a Santa Hat (a real one), rocking out to the 'NSync Christmas album with the biggest freakin' smile on her face. "Mel totally got me excited for Christmas!!"

That right there, out of all the reactions I have ever gotten, is the one that I hold closest to my heart.

The tradition became more to me than just the novelty of seeing Santa Hats all over Facebook"¦it became about spreading Christmas cheer! And spreading it to as many freakin' people as possible. Not just to my friends, but my friends' friends/followers as well.

So with each passing holiday season, I would do more and more Santa Hats. The first year I did 79. The second year I did 190. Last year I did 446. This year I didn't double my previous record but I topped off at a new personal best of 532.

(In case you're wondering how I decide who gets a #SantaHat, I honestly just do it at complete random. I'll sit at the computer, see a name pop up on Twitter or the Facebook Ticker, and I'd slap a #SantaHat on it. I don't create a mega checklist of names or prioritize certain friends over others"¦I just make a butt load of 'em.)

Doing this over 1,000 times in the past two years alone, I realized a couple things:

1. I am truly blessed to have had so many awesome people come into my life. Truly, truly blessed.

2. There are so many people that I have slowly lost touch with over the years.

As much as I look forward to doing this every year, it's become a little bittersweet. Here I am, bouncing around Facebook looking for photos to use, smiling at each memory along the way"¦And then for many of you, it hits me, "Holy crap, I haven't seen you in over a year"¦"

Some of it is life getting in the way, throwing complicated priorities on us, pulling us in different directions. That's totally understandable.

But there are also faces I hadn't seen in a while, not because life pulled us apart, but because we pushed each other away. Some of us may have hurt each other, either intentionally or unintentionally. Or we picked different sides in our friends' dramas. Or we just flat out didn't get along. Whatever the reason may be — no matter how legitimate or irrational or petty it was — we decided to push each other away.

With something as simple as photoshopping Santa Hats, it'd be easy for me to be all passive-aggressive about it. "This fucker said I have fat ankles so no Santa Hat for this bitch ass!"

But then I see playing on TV, one of my all-time favorite childhood movies — Home Alone 2. That old creepy shovel man that saves Kevin's life at the end, finally makes amends with his family after so many years. That scene always brought me to tears as a kid"¦and its message still resonates with me today:

Christmas is a time for forgiveness.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that one point, we were all good friends. Some harsh words may have been said (to each other's faces or behind each other's backs), bridges may have been burned...but once upon a time, that bridge was there. And it was good! For a while, it was good.

Nothing should ever take that away.

We may never be able to get things back the way they were"¦but is it really worth holding on to those grudges so tightly?

Sometimes I have to remind myself that it's okay to let my guard down a bit. It's okay to lower those walls I've built. It's okay to cease fire and take a moment to just breathe. At least for a moment. At least long enough for me to be able to look the person in the eye, see past the hurt they once put me through, and say with absolutely sincerity, "I hope you have a Merry Christmas."

It's not an easy task though. I have a stubborn heart and sometimes it takes even years for me to forgive someone. I still have a list of people to truly forgive, and an even heavier list of people that I'm hoping to someday forgive me. Someday"¦

So that's what the #SantaHat Tradition means to me. It's about spreading Christmas cheer to as many people as possible. It's about letting people know I still value the time we share or once shared. It's about taking the time to look into myself, finding forgiveness, and expressing it in one of the simplest ways possible.

As much as I look forward to doing this every holiday season to spread Christmas cheer, the #SantaHat Tradition is very much a humbling experience for me too.

To all my friends that received a #SantaHat this year, whether we've stayed in touch or not, I just wanted to say thank you for being a part of my life. And to those of you who made your #SantaHat as your default picture, thank you so much for helping me spread Christmas cheer.

To each and every one of you out there"¦I know I've typed this over 500 times in the span of one week, but I've always meant it every single time, from the bottom of my heart"¦

Happy Holidays, everyone. <3

-Mel

AJ:

My Godfather, "Kuya" Frank, passed away last October after a 4-year long battle with cancer and it struck a familiar feeling in my gut. My Dad passed away when I was 10 and the reailty of losing another father figure really hit me hard.

I wrote this song not about a death or losing someone to an illness, but about wanting to be with someone so bad that you couldn't go another day without them— but this song spoke differently to my Kuya Frank's wife Ate Rhea. She told me that she listened to this song as if it was Kuya Frank singing to her, fighting for her, and wanting to be there for her through all of this. Thus, the original concept for this video was born and it stuck in my head— and I pray that this video helps you realize that you are not alone in your struggle, whether it is you or a loved one going through it.

Don't forget to let your loved ones know that you love them"¦ We never know what tomorrow might bring.

melmyfinger: i'm trying to decide how unhealthy i want to eat tonight
vickiilee: LOL
vickiilee: what are th eoptions?!
melmyfinger: burgers, burritos or teriyaki bowls
melmyfinger: i had asian food for lunch today
melmyfinger: at raelynne's brother's birthday party
vickiilee: hahahaha
vickiilee: BURRITOS!!
melmyfinger: my butt hurts from eating so much spicy food this past week
vickiilee: and burritos are KINDA healthy
melmyfinger: -__-
vickiilee: yeah uhhh not the burritos that i eat
vickiilee: theres a lot of veggies in it!
vickiilee: :D
vickiilee: hahahah
vickiilee: LOL
melmyfinger: VEGGIES, YUCK
vickiilee: WAIT
vickiilee: YOU DONT PUT VEGGIES
vickiilee: IN YOUR BURRITOS?!
melmyfinger: HELL NO
vickiilee: LOL WTF
vickiilee: SALSA?!
vickiilee: GUAC?!
melmyfinger: EGGS, BACON, CHEESE AND SOURCREAM
melmyfinger: AND FRENCH FRIES
vickiilee: LOL WTF
vickiilee: EW THAT SOUNDS DISGUSTING
melmyfinger: BREAKFAST BURRITOS, VICKI
vickiilee: LOL
vickiilee: I LIKE MY BURRITOS MEXICAN
melmyfinger: IT'S LIKE ALL OF THE MAJOR FOOD GROUPS IN WRAPPED IN A WARM FLUFFY FLOUR TORTILLA
vickiilee: LOL
melmyfinger: UM NO
vickiilee: AHAHAHAHAHA
vickiilee: WTF
melmyfinger: UMM YES
melmyfinger: OUR MEXICAN FOOD IS COOKED BY REAL LIVE MEXICANS
vickiilee: LOL