Harv: got on the elevator with jessica biel
Mel: hhahh niice
Harv: the camera totally adds pounds.. she looked way skinner in real life
Mel: whoa no way
Mel: she have man shoulders?
Harv: nah.. she looked fine
Harv: prettier in person actually
Harv: i'm not a big fan
Harv: i asked for her number.. she just ignored me
Mel: well hey, she didn't say "no"
Harv: LOL
Harv: she rolled her eyes and made a look of disgust.. but.. you're right.. she didn't say "no"

shindarbarthia: how do i turn off this thing!
majlkman: you don't
majlkman: bwahahahhaa
meltajon: slash slash off, allie
majlkman: stfu mel
ty91011: //off
majlkman: alt+ctrl+del allie
majlkman: alt+f4 5 times really fast
meltajon: ALT + F4
fragsworth: ya alt f4
fragsworth: i just did it
fragsworth: it wokred
jaycetan: ahhahahahahha
majlkman: thast why you're still typing in here right?
ty91011: how do you turn off jayce
meltajon: you show him a girl
majlkman: LOL
majlkman: hahahhahaha
jdoll122807: LOLZ

Mel: I would never take a girl here...this is such a man's restaurant.
Rodrigo: Yeah, girls here would be such a waste.
Mel: They should make a brazilian bbq place but with a 300 theme.
Mel: The servers are all in Spartan uniforms and capes, and the serve the meat on Spartan spears...
Mel: That would be awesome!
Rodrigo: :uhh:
Rodrigo: Uhh, no. That would be really gay.
Mel: Shit, you're right. Nevermind.

Ryan: so who were those zexy ladies you were giving the eye-fuck to today?
Mel: hahaa
Mel: you saw that?
Mel: when i was outside?
Mel: i dunno but they were hot
Ryan: im talking about the ones you were meeting with, dumb-dumb
Mel: ohh
Mel: for the spanish site we're working on
Mel: ** or something
Ryan: iiiiiiiiinteresting
Ryan: they didnt look mexican to me
Mel: the company is ruled by white people
Ryan: hhahaha
Ryan: niice
Ryan: first we take mexifornia from them.. now we're gonna run their spanish websites
Mel: hahah
Ryan: but they are working to subvert us
Ryan: by taking jobs in fast food and burrito joints
Ryan: and at a critical point they strike and say "give us what we want, or NO BURRITO FOR YOU!"
Ryan: anarchy will ensue
Mel:** hahahahahahaa

So I was having an interesting convo with an international friend whom I'll refer to as "Jorge"...

Jorge: yeah, I'd get drunk and dance all the time.
Jorge: this one girl I knew would make fun of me and call me a "ballerina"
Mel: :bakla:
Jorge: but that's okay cuz I eventually banged her.
Mel: :rofl:
Mel: the last time I did crazy drunken dancing was at my cousin's wedding
Mel: hell, that night I discovered I could breakdance
Mel: but anyways, it was kinda weird...I couldn't dance with any girls cuz all the girls were my freakin' cousins.
Jorge: what's wrong with that?
Mel: :uhh:
Jorge: back home we'd dance with our family all the time.
Jorge: we'd do that thing where you put your leg between hers and she'd do the same
Jorge: and you two would...how do you say....rub?
Mel: you mean like grinding?
Jorge: yeah.
Mel: :uhh:
Mel: yeah, that's kinda frowned upon here in the states, dude.
Jorge: really?
Jorge: what about banging your cousins?
Mel: :omg:
Jorge: you can't bang your cousins??
Jorge: not even if they're hot?
Mel: dude, no!!
Mel: I mean, I'm proud to say that I have good looking cousins...but no...that's just...no...
Mel: cuz dude, the way I see it, it's like
Mel: me...my mom...her sisters...their daughters...
Jorge: no no no, it's quite simple:
Jorge: there's your penis...and her vagina.
Mel: no no no...it doesn't work that way...
Jorge: but it's the best!
Jorge: cuz it's like you two grow up together and you have a connection
Jorge: and then she's all pretty and you want to have sex
Jorge: she doesn't have to worry about getting hurt because you're family!
Mel: dude, you just said "sex" and "family" in the same sentence!

So yeah, his little persuasive speech didn't work on me.

Then strangely a couple days later, this article came out: Study: Most babies born to first-cousins are healthy.

But sorry, I'm still not convinced; my cousins are here strictly for potlucks, drinking and karaoke.

Mel: do you think it'd be easier for us to get girls if we pretended to be deaf like ryan?
Mel: that'd be fucking sweet
Mel: we wouldn't have to talk
Mel: and
Mel: we wouldn't have to listen
Mel: DUDE
Mel: THAT'D BE AWESOME
Rodrigo: I don't know if would be easir in the overall... but would be easier to grab their asses wihth no apparent reason
Rodrigo: plus, imagine me, drunk, trying to playing the deaf guy
Mel: hahahahahaa
Rodrigo: that would NEVER work
Mel: hahahahaha
Mel: "baby, i have this condition where i spontaneously go deaf....it's nothing personal....sometimes i just can't hear you"
Rodrigo: hahahahhahaha
Rodrigo: "and the cure is a blowjob"
Mel: "but i get ssleepy afterwards....so don't get mad if i fall asleep....it's just another condition i have"

Long distance call from my co-worker:

Harv: Yo Mel, what are you doing right now?
Mel: Yo, just chillin' at home. Why, what's up?
Harv: I'm in Knoxville, Tennessee. I want you to talk to somebody we just met.
Somebody: Yo Mel! It's Mark Mowbr@y!

:omg2: WTF??!

SMALL FUCKING WORLD?!!! :coold:

mel@work: we were talking back here about a social network for people with STDs
mel@work: and it would be like friendster
mel@work: where you could see how people are connected
ryan@work: HAHAH
mel@work: like up to 6 degrees
mel@work: so we thought SixDegreesOfSTDs.com
mel@work: but that shit is fucking TAKEN
ryan@work: WTF
ryan@work: LOL
mel@work: "wtf ryan? why are you directly connected to another guy??"
ryan@work: bahha
ryan@work: more like "wtf ryan? why are you directly connected to paris hilton?"
mel@work: dude, i wonder what kinda CPM you'd get from google ads
mel@work: text ads for herpes cremes
ryan@work: bahah
ryan@work: considering that 1 in 5 teenagers have a STD... a lot
mel@work: "ryan added 50 friends"
mel@work: hahahahahahahaa
ryan@work: "mel added 100 friends. 95 guys, 5 girls"
mel@work: i wonder what Top Friends would mean
ryan@work: JAJAAHHAHA
ryan@work: best fucks?
mel@work: worst std?
mel@work: jesus
ryan@work: lol
mel@work: could you imagine the Advanced Search
ryan@work: lol
mel@work: group by STD, order by most recently diagnosed
ryan@work: group by severity
ryan@work: lol