According to my Nike+ SportBand, I lose around 230 calories when I run. Knowing that number, it's totally had an affect on my outlook of food.

Now when I look at that ooey gooey icing goodness on warm, fluffy, freshly baked Cinnabon cinnamon rolls I think to myself, "That's like 4 miles worth of calories..."

I really don't want to run that much...

(Good thing I still have cheat days. :chill: )

Been recently dealing with this kind of client at work....it hasn't been a fun experience...

Shae Allen's blog: If Architects Had To Work Like Web Designers

This seems a little too appropriate since I'm currently ending a really terrible client relationship with an architect, but I thought other designers might enjoy. I'm sorry if this seems spammy, I really needed to share with people who understand.

Dear Mr. Architect:

Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion. My house should have somewhere between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.

Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don't have nearly enough insulation in them).

As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the incorporation of extra-cost features like aluminum, vinyl, or composite siding. (If you choose not to specify aluminum, be prepared to explain your decision in detail.)

Please take care that modern design practices and the latest materials are used in construction of the house, as I want it to be a showplace for the most up-to-date ideas and methods. Be alerted, however, that kitchen should be designed to accommodate, among other things, my 1952 Gibson refrigerator.

To insure that you are building the correct house for our entire family, make certain that you contact each of our children, and also our in-laws. My mother-in-law will have very strong feelings about how the house should be designed, since she visits us at least once a year. Make sure that you weigh all of these options carefully and come to the right decision. I, however, retain the right to overrule any choices that you make.

Please don't bother me with small details right now. Your job is to develop the overall plans for the house: get the big picture. At this time, for example, it is not appropriate to be choosing the color of the carpet.

However, keep in mind that my wife likes blue.

Also, do not worry at this time about acquiring the resources to build the house itself. Your first priority is to develop detailed plans and specifications. Once I approve these plans, however, I would expect the house to be under roof within 48 hours.

While you are designing this house specifically for me, keep in mind that sooner or later I will have to sell it to someone else. It therefore should have appeal to a wide variety of potential buyers. Please make sure before you finalize the plans that there is a consensus of the population in my area that they like the features this house has. I advise you to run up and look at my neighbor's house he constructed last year. We like it a great deal. It has many features that we would also like in our new home, particularly the 75-foot swimming pool. With careful engineering, I believe that you can design this into our new house without impacting the final cost.

Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary at this time to do the real design, since they will be used only for construction bids. Be advised, however, that you will be held accountable for any increase of construction costs as a result of later design changes.

You must be thrilled to be working on as an interesting project as this! To be able to use the latest techniques and materials and to be given such freedom in your designs is something that can't happen very often. Contact me as soon as possible with your complete ideas and plans.

PS: My wife has just told me that she disagrees with many of the instructions I've given you in this letter. As architect, it is your responsibility to resolve these differences. I have tried in the past and have been unable to accomplish this. If you can't handle this responsibility, I will have to find another architect.

PPS: Perhaps what I need is not a house at all, but a travel trailer. Please advise me as soon as possible if this is the case..

I just want to break down on my knees like Jerry Maguire and plea, "Help me, help you...help me, help you!" But some people are just too damn stubborn...

CRY.

Okay, so I'm on vacation in the Philippines now. One of the greatest perks of being here is how cheap everything is. Like the past three meals I've had here have all been under $2 USD. And you know me when it comes to food. I'm just one happy fucking camper right now.

One thing I've been wanting to do to take advantage of the cheap cost of living is get pampered. That means getting a manicure, pedicure, foot scrub and countless massages. (Hey, P.Diddy gets manicures/pedicures...therefore it must be cool, right?) So on my first day here, my mom finds a small saloon in the mall called "David's Saloon." When I first hear the name, my first thought was "it must be owned by a bakla."

So I tell my brothers that I'm going to meet up with Mom and Dad at the saloon. Michael replies with, "you know you're just gonna end up getting a bakla." I laugh it off but inside I'm mildly concerned.

So I get there and my parents already have a head start. I look around the room and make notice of the staff: two baklas, a bunch of older women, and a couple cute younger girls. I end up getting a girl who isn't particularly attractive...but hey, it's better than getting a bakla.

"+1 for Melvin," I thought as I recall what Michael said earlier about me getting serviced by a bakla.

Read More

I had the Motorola MPX220 for several months because it could synchronize with my calendar and address book on my computer. Cool. That is until my phone started to scramble up the dates and times of my calendar. I even missed paying rent one month because of this.

After I graduated I didn't need all that smartphone functionality so I got myself a basic cell phone, the Sony Ericsson z520a. Great phone, underrated, and only cost me $50 (after rebate). But then it would crash and would take me an hour or two to turn it back on. Kinda gay but I put up with it. Then one day it just wouldn't turn on.

So I called Cingular and got the phone replaced with the exact same model. Today I walk into my parents house and drop the phone on the tile floor. Now every other line on the screen is solid white.

So I came up with a genius idea: maybe if I drop it on the floor again it will unbreak itself.

So I did it.

Now there's a nice big vertical white stripe going down the left side.

oh:

Housing Office:

...We have received information from the Recording Industry Association of America, Inc. (RIAA) and its member record companies, that you have utilized the below-referenced IP address at the noted date and time to offer downloads of copyrighted content through a "peer-to-peer" service, including such titles as:

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Otherside

Madonna - Music

Vertical Horizon - Everything You Want

Sting - Desert Rose

Dixie Chicks - Cowboy Take Me Away

Savage Garden - I Knew I Loved You

IP Address: ...

IP Port: 9348

Network: BTPeers

Protocal: BitTorrent

The Distribution of unauthorized copies of copyrited television shows, music or movies consistutes copyright infringement under the Copyright Act, Title 17 United States Code Section 106(3) and or Section 512(c). This conduct may also violate your license agreetment as well as the laws of other countries, international law, and/or treaty obligations.

I was RIAA'ed!!!

If you've been living under a rock for the past couple years, basically the RIAA is the organization that loves to sue people left and right. Sometimes they're justified, but most of the time they are just being retarded. Take these cases for example:

• RIAA believes that ripping music CDs to iPods is illegal »
• RIAA believes the Sirius satellite radio network owes them 30% of revenues »
• RIAA uses children against mother »
• RIAA bans telling friends about songs »
• RIAA sues hundreds of lyrics sites for copyright infringement

Obviously in my case, they were justified; I was downloading music illegally. I'm actually lucky as fuck that I didn't get slapped with a nasty fine. And I'm thankful.

But I still think the RIAA is a fucking waste.

I mean, instead of spending millions of dollars on crucifing the common consumer, the RIAA should think of ways to embrace today's technology to make a legitimate profit.

Like remember the VCR? Initially consumers used it to record television shows so they could watch at their own leisure. When this first came out, the entertainment industry was scared shitless! But after losing in the Supreme Court, entertainment companies changed their business models to embrace this VCR technology. And what happened?

Pre-recorded video cassettes became a multi-million dollar industry that easily surpassed box office ticket sales.

Its not rocket science. But for some retarded reason the RIAA still likes to make things harder than it should be.

Anyways, time to buy some iTunes.

(Sidenote: I got caught downloading from torrentspy.com)

Okay, so the housing office killed my internet like 3 weeks ago (most likely for downloading/sharing). Luckily for me there was an empty room in the apartment and I had an extra long cable. So for 3 weeks that's what I've been using.

And then one of the network guys comes in and sees the cable, so he disconnects it and locks the vacant room.

Sweet. Cockblocked again.

And now I have a hunch that they blacklisted my laptop's wireless, so even connecting to another person's router will get their internet killed just like mine.

So this week I have endless papers and website projects to take care...and no internet. I can't connect to the empty room cuz its locked. I can't connect via wireless because it'll get killed in 5 minutes. So the only option left for me is to do my work at the student union where they have free wireless (that won't ban me).

Just for reference, I got here at 3:15pm.

The time is now 9:25pm.

On a sidenote, I realized that there's actually a lot of hotties here at Cal Poly. For the most part they like to walk thru the Union.

Took me 6 years to figure that out.

• its like 3:46am. i need to read 35 more pages and then write a paper on it. due @ 10am. worth 100 pts. one-quarter of my final grade.

• been running on power naps since yesterday...

• power naps aren't working anymore...

• i do my persuasive speech on wednesday...still have a shit load to do for it...will probably do another day of power naps...

• just need to get thru tomorrow and i'm home free...

• song of the moment: craig david - all the way

• eye lids are so heavy...

dear wierd kid,

you really scared me today. i get to the swimming pool with phoebe and karen with the plan to just swim around and relax on a beautiful sunday evening. all i wanted to do was just chill but instead i had to put up with your wierd ass.

first of all, how the fuck did you get into the pool area? this place is for college kids.

secondly, we really don't care about your weak ass cannon balls. those weren't even cannon balls!!! you were just jumping into the pool for christ's sake!! hell, you weren't even jumping!! you were just standing close to the edge talking to yourself until your clumsy ass lost balance and fell into the pool. phoebe, karen and i were talking amongst ourselves and then you had to keep interrupting us to announce your weaksauce "cannon ball."

and then after the SEVENTH DAMN TIME, we tried ignoring you...and then you threw a fucking hissy fit!!!

thirdly, why must you stare into my eyes like that? why must you make grunting noises while you stare into my eyes like that?? why must you look all creepy as you slowly mouth the words "come here..." and chase me around the pool while making grunting noises and staring into my eyes like that???!

and then when you finally cornered and caught me, you jumped onto me, tightly wrapping your arms and legs around me and absolutely refusing to let me go for 5 eternally long minutes!!!

the only reason why i was playing along was because your mom was there. you might've thought that i was playfully swimming away from you in this twisted game of cat-and-mouse....but really i was swimming away from you for dear life...

well kid, wherever you are, i hope you got what you wanted...cuz that's the last time you'll ever be within 100 feet of me.

alright dude, wtf. every night when i'm working on whatever the hell i'm working on, out of nowhere i hear spanking noises. these are some pretty damn loud spanking noises too, which obviously means this is some hardcore spankage.

so i sit in my room, with my door wide open as it always is, expecting your gf to start giggling as if you guys were just playfully wrestling in the living room or something. but instead of hearing laughter...

Noises

i look outside my door. i notice the tv is not on, the living room is empty, your bedroom closed and your lights are off.

Noises

Her: ooooooh ooooooooooh ooooooooooooh OOOOOOOOOOHH OOOOOOOOOH GOD!!!

jesus man, you're killing her in there!! and no fucking shame either...not even an attempt to muffle her.

and then it gets louder...

Noises

and then just when i thought i've had enough, the loud spanks all of a sudden sound like thunderous "plops..."

Louder noises

and then...

You: aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

YUCK, MAN!!! you're already putting me through enough...and then to top it off, i have to hear the most disgusting thing that a straight man could ever hear in his life -- another dude's sex grunts at climax....

aight, that's the 4th time in the past few days, dude. i mean, i'm all happy for you that you're getting a good amount of sex and all....but come on mang, i'm trying to fucking study!!!!

i've been living with you for the past year and i know that you two have been fucking around this whole time -- you asked me if i had an extra condom like the first week we moved in -- but it wasn't until recently that i could hear your little sexcapades from you bedroom....WITH YOUR DOOR CLOSED AND MY MUSIC ON.

my guess is that you're doing some kinda new position or something. whatever it is you're doing....bravo, my man. bravo. just try to take it down a couple notches, yeah?? thanks.

aight champ, its getting late and i still gotta finish my lab report. goodnight.

bastard.