alright dude, wtf. every night when i'm working on whatever the hell i'm working on, out of nowhere i hear spanking noises. these are some pretty damn loud spanking noises too, which obviously means this is some hardcore spankage.

so i sit in my room, with my door wide open as it always is, expecting your gf to start giggling as if you guys were just playfully wrestling in the living room or something. but instead of hearing laughter...

Noises

i look outside my door. i notice the tv is not on, the living room is empty, your bedroom closed and your lights are off.

Noises

Her: ooooooh ooooooooooh ooooooooooooh OOOOOOOOOOHH OOOOOOOOOH GOD!!!

jesus man, you're killing her in there!! and no fucking shame either...not even an attempt to muffle her.

and then it gets louder...

Noises

and then just when i thought i've had enough, the loud spanks all of a sudden sound like thunderous "plops..."

Louder noises

and then...

You: aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

YUCK, MAN!!! you're already putting me through enough...and then to top it off, i have to hear the most disgusting thing that a straight man could ever hear in his life -- another dude's sex grunts at climax....

aight, that's the 4th time in the past few days, dude. i mean, i'm all happy for you that you're getting a good amount of sex and all....but come on mang, i'm trying to fucking study!!!!

i've been living with you for the past year and i know that you two have been fucking around this whole time -- you asked me if i had an extra condom like the first week we moved in -- but it wasn't until recently that i could hear your little sexcapades from you bedroom....WITH YOUR DOOR CLOSED AND MY MUSIC ON.

my guess is that you're doing some kinda new position or something. whatever it is you're doing....bravo, my man. bravo. just try to take it down a couple notches, yeah?? thanks.

aight champ, its getting late and i still gotta finish my lab report. goodnight.

bastard.