dear wierd kid,
you really scared me today. i get to the swimming pool with phoebe and karen with the plan to just swim around and relax on a beautiful sunday evening. all i wanted to do was just chill but instead i had to put up with your wierd ass.
first of all, how the fuck did you get into the pool area? this place is for college kids. 
secondly, we really don't care about your weak ass cannon balls. those weren't even cannon balls!!! you were just jumping into the pool for christ's sake!! hell, you weren't even jumping!! you were just standing close to the edge talking to yourself until your clumsy ass lost balance and fell into the pool. phoebe, karen and i were talking amongst ourselves and then you had to keep interrupting us to announce your weaksauce "cannon ball." 
thirdly, why must you stare into my eyes like that? why must you make grunting noises while you stare into my eyes like that?? why must you look all creepy as you slowly mouth the words "come here..." and chase me around the pool while making grunting noises and staring into my eyes like that???!
and then when you finally cornered and caught me, you jumped onto me, tightly wrapping your arms and legs around me and absolutely refusing to let me go for 5 eternally long minutes!!!
the only reason why i was playing along was because your mom was there. you might've thought that i was playfully swimming away from you in this twisted game of cat-and-mouse....but really i was swimming away from you for dear life...
well kid, wherever you are, i hope you got what you wanted...cuz that's the last time you'll ever be within 100 feet of me.