// here's a copy of the speech i gave today for public speaking. enjoy!!
I have a friend who is a bigtime pothead. When you hang out with someone like that, you tend to have some of the wierdest conversations. Like one random night, as we were enjoying our carne asada burritos from Albertos, he had a stoner epiphany:
Stoner Epiphany:
What if we lived in a world where everyone wanted to be fat? ...where it was cool to be obese? What if you turned the channel to Real World and instead of finding guys with rock hard pecs and chiseled Abercrombie abs, they're running around with flabby guts and saggy manbreasts?!
If this was the case, then the hottest pitch in marketing wouldn't be How to Lose Weight Fast. Rather, it would be How to Gain Weight Fast.
Playing along with this idea, I did a little research as well as looked at some of my own personal experiences. This is what I came up with:
The key to gaining weight fast is influencing the stomach to get hungry and the mind to get cravings.
Today I am going to give you some tips on how to stimulate both of these.
First I'll start out with tips on influencing the stomach to get hungry.
Every meal is a race.
Your stomach, mouth and brain are all connected and it takes 20 minutes of chewing before your stomach tells your brain that you are full. With that in mind, your goal is to eat as much as you can, as fast as you can in those 20 minutes, before you brain has a chance to tell you you're full. As an added bonus, try minimizing chewing as much as possible to further deceive your brain.
Skip meals.
The first meal of the day is the meal what jump starts your metabolism. Also, eating constantly throughout the day keeps your metabolism high. If you're trying to gain weight fast, you do not want that. Instead of eating three square meals a day, try combining all three meals into one huge, massive mega-meal. Doing so will keep your metabolism down since it takes a lot of time for your stomach to digest all of the food. Also, hunger will be at an all-time high because you had the whole day to build it up.
Multitasking.
Try eating ice cream straight out of the carton while watching TV. Or try eating a bag of chips while doing homework. Or try eating a box of Krispy Kremes while driving to school. Your stomach might be full or you might not even be hungry, but multitasking will distract you from paying attention to exactly how much you are eating.
Smoke Marijuana.
Marijuana contains a chemical called THC. THC has an affect on the pituitary gland, which is the gland that regulates the hormone for hunger.
My stoner friend once described to me that when he's high, food doesn't just taste good: it feels good. He described it, and I quote, "its like a party in your mouth and everyone's invited." Basically when you're high, food feels so good that you just don't want to stop.
While it is your stomach signals hunger, it is your brain that controls your cravings. Here's a few mental tricks you can use to stimulate cravings.
Be an emotional eater.
Eat when you are happy and you want to celebrate. Eat when you are feeling down and you need something to brighten your day. Eating during emotional periods will help you build a strong, psychological association between food and your feelings.
Find inspiration...like Takeru Kobayashi.
Back in Japan he's nicknamed The Tsunami. Here in the states he is simply known as The Asian Dude that eats over 50 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Some of you might have heard of him. He is the 4-Time International Hot Dog Eating Champion here in the US. Also in his list of achievements is eating 17.7 lbs of cow brains which he accomplished to win the first ever nationally-televised Glutton Bowl on ABC. Although he is not fat, his eating abilities is truly something to admire.
All or nothing mentality.
When you are struggling at finishing your food, remind yourself that you are not a quitter. You are a winner. You came here to conquer. Food is your business. You eat like there is no tomorrow. You eat like there is no such thing as leftovers.
Special Occassions.
Holidays are great reasons to eat a lot. You have the turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, honey glazed ham, a plump juicy pot roast"¦holidays are just a perfect time to celebrate and indulge.
And its not just holidays: its all special occasions. For example, when friends are in town visiting, you absolutely MUST show them all of your favorite places to eat and share the wonderful eating experience with them.
Now that you know some of the mental and physical tricks to assist weight gain, here's a short list of some extra tips based on my own personal experiences.
Condiments.
Because you'll be eating so fast, you rarely will have enough time to appreciate the taste of your food. This is where condiments come in. Add lots of it. Tons of it. Oodles. Your food will have more flavor, not to mention it will add extra precious calories to your meal.
Intimidation.
When eating out with other people, beat them to finish line and then taunt them. Stare at their food deeply and intently. Breathe heavily for added effect. They'll eventually cave in to your psychological games and give you the rest of their food. Trust me, it works...I do it all the freakin' time. 
Slim Fast.
Slim fast is bad...but Slim fast with ice cream is really good. 
Fruits and vegetables.
Forget it. Waste of space, not enough calories.
Happy hour.
Many sit-down restaurants have some sort of happy hour special. But I'm not talking about the drinks, I'm talking about the half-off appetizers. Why buy one appetizer for half the price when you can buy 4 for just twice the price??
Wear stretchy pants.
A tight waist line can greatly restrict your eating potential. Drawstrings, resizable belts and elastic waistbands are highly recommended. I you don't have such clothes, you can always just unbutton your pants to allow more room for your gut to hang out. Just be sure to button them back up when you leave the table.
Lastly, grab a partner.
Find an eating buddy that can eat just as much as you. Someone that'll push you, motivate you and spot you during your eating sessions. And if you're lucky enough to find a boyfriend or girlfriend that can eat as much as you, they're a KEEPER.
So there you have it, a little insight in what stimulates hunger & cravings, as well as 15 tips that you can easily implement into your daily life. Just follow these tips and you'll be rocking that saggy gut in no time!! Thank you.
