You never really know someone. You never really know what goes on inside one's head. You might know 'em...but you may never "know 'em" know 'em. The guy you passed by this morning on the way to class, what are all of his secrets?
The girl that sat next to you in the Union, minding her own business while you killed some time listening to your iPod mini on your 40 minute break between your classes...what about her? Sure, she was looking over her notes, flipping that mechanical pencil of hers between those fingers of hers...but really, what was going on her mind?
What about that guy on your buddylist. The guy that updates his away message with something completely random every moment he has the chance to...and changes his AIM Profile so damn often that you have to check on him because you don't want to miss out whatever perverted/cool/funky/funny thing that he found on the internet. So what about this guy? Do you know him? Do you really know him?
Sure you do. He's the guy that's always smiling. Always laughing. Always jolly. He's the guy that loves to make people smile and will do anything to do so. He's the guy that'll go on late night food runs to jack in the crack for his buddies in the dorms...or go on a shopping trip to all the nearby malls with the girls. Sure you know him. You know him real well.
Or maybe you have no idea.
Maybe underneath all of that there's a lot of confusion, pain & loneliness that he's hiding. Maybe he's realizing that life ain't a box of chocolates. Life never has a "happily ever after." Life just ain't fair.
Maybe a month ago he went to a drive-through ATM and found someone's bank card still in the machine, asking if you wanted another transaction. Instead of stealing all the money on the account, he took out the card, gave it to the first available bank teller and reported the card as "lost." Maybe he did it in the goodness of his heart. Maybe he did it because he strongly believes in "what goes around, comes around." Maybe one week later he leaves his bag downstairs of the Dining Commons, along with 40 other bags, only to come back 20 minutes later to find it stolen, along with his brand new books, cell phone and keys.
Maybe he's trying real hard to be optimistic...to look at the things he has as opposed to the things he doesn't. Maybe that's how he normally lives his life. But when everyone around him has found happiness in another, it just becomes a painful reminder of how lonely he is...and the fact that nobody knows.
Maybe its becoming painfully harder and harder each day. Maybe he goes over to this one girl's place down the hall to just to talk...only to find her talking to her new boyfriend. Maybe he gets bored and tries to talk to his friends online, only to find their away messages up saying "dinner with ____" and "phone with my baby." Maybe he tries to take his mind off everything by doing some work in his room, only to have his roommate and his girlfriend come in and start their little "puppy talk." Maybe he tries to mind his own business and watch tv, only to have a girl call him and ask for guy advice on her crush from MHR class.
Maybe he's so desperate for attention that he takes his once-a-crush-but-now-just-a-friend out for a bite to eat just so that for one moment...one tiny moment...he can feel like he's the only man in someone's life. Maybe he jokes around with her of how people just assume that they are boyfriend-girlfriend...when secretly he feels the slightest bit of satisfaction because for just once in his life he can walk around pretending to the world, "Yeah, she's with me." Maybe this helps him deal with the pain...maybe it makes it worse.
Maybe he's been wanting to vent out his frustrations to his favorite venting buddy since she is the one that can make him smile even in the saddest of times. After all, she's been there before and she knows exactly how it feels to be left out. But maybe she's found someone that makes her happy now, and the very last thing he wants to do is dump his negative energy on her and intrude on her newfound happiness.
Maybe that's how he is...maybe he cares more about the people around him than he cares about himself. He willingly tries to alleviate all of the negativity in his friends but never intends on venting his own negativity back. Maybe he'd feel guilty doing so...and maybe this is the kinda thing that's slowly killing him inside.
Maybe the loneliness is hopeless romance. Maybe its envy. Maybe its jealousy. Or maybe its just the yearning to feel important...to feel that he was put on this earth for a reason. Maybe its just the need to feel appreciated and to know that someone else out there actually gives a damn. Maybe all of this is just attention whoring. Or maybe its the feeling that his efforts have gone unnoticed, thus, unreciprocated. Maybe this all of these words are meaningless...something posted on the internet and passed around from xanga to xanga, email to email, messageboard to messageboard.
Or maybe this is me, Mel Tajon, and these are all of my confessions.
