Pringo

Six Degrees of STDs?

mel@work: we were talking back here about a social network for people with STDs
mel@work: and it would be like friendster
mel@work: where you could see how people are connected
ryan@work: HAHAH
mel@work: like up to 6 degrees
mel@work: so we thought SixDegreesOfSTDs.com
mel@work: but that shit is fucking TAKEN
ryan@work: WTF
ryan@work: LOL
mel@work: "wtf ryan? why are you directly connected to another guy??"
ryan@work: bahha
ryan@work: more like "wtf ryan? why are you directly connected to paris hilton?"
mel@work: dude, i wonder what kinda CPM you'd get from google ads
mel@work: text ads for herpes cremes
ryan@work: bahah
ryan@work: considering that 1 in 5 teenagers have a STD... a lot
mel@work: "ryan added 50 friends"
mel@work: hahahahahahahaa
ryan@work: "mel added 100 friends. 95 guys, 5 girls"
mel@work: i wonder what Top Friends would mean
ryan@work: JAJAAHHAHA
ryan@work: best fucks?
mel@work: worst std?
mel@work: jesus
ryan@work: lol
mel@work: could you imagine the Advanced Search
ryan@work: lol
mel@work: group by STD, order by most recently diagnosed
ryan@work: group by severity
ryan@work: lol

Diary

My First Year at the Office

This Wednesday will officially mark my first full year as a working man in the real world. I remember a year ago I was dreading the idea of a full 5-day work week, doing the 9-to-5 deal and commuting through LA traffic. But honestly, after a full year of doing this, I can say that I'm having a blast.

A year ago, we didn't even have an office; I was the first officially hired employee and was working from home. Since then, we've opened an office in Irvine, moved to West Los Angeles, hired 21 people, closed a couple dozen deals...and had a lot of fun throughout the process. Here's just a few tidbits of life at the office:

  • At the video shoot, our president is supposed to say, "Thank you for watching our video. We can't wait to be your success partner."

Gary: Thank you for being our sex partner. We can't wait to watch the video.

  • Gary's dirty mind must of been contagious cuz later on in the video shoot, Dave is supposed to say, "...and now I will turn you over to our product designer, Mel."

Dave: And now I will turn Mel over for you.

  • Becca telling us about her childhood:

Becca: Remember when you were a kid and all these doctors would ask you things like, 'does the TV talk to you sometimes?'
Everyone: Uhh. No...

  • Wesley's damn ringtone every day

  • Everyone whistling Wesley's damn ringtone every day

  • Dave unconsciously whistling "We got the funk" everytime one of us says "func" (short for "function")

  • Racist graphics designer joke:

Dave: I love #000000 people

  • Us provoking our hardcore vegan co-worker:

Me: Kemar, would you rather put a sausage in your mouth or in your butt?
Kemar: Definitely in my.... hesitates ... nevermind.

  • Introducing someone to the team:

Harv: And this is Adam. He specializes in programming, setting up servers, managing the databases...you know, all of the backend stuff.
Thomas: He's the Backend Master. :gayhehe:

  • Wesley after learning how to make 3 dimensional spheres in Photoshop:

Wesley: Hey Mel, check out my pretty balls.

  • Deciding on codenames for future version releases of our software:
Mel: Let's codename everything after pornstars!
Harv: Ooh, I know!
Harv: Let's codename everything after each of the employees we've fired!
rofl:
  • Explaining our philosophies on bugs:

Andrew: It's not a bug, it's a surprise feature!
Me: Yeah! It's like, "Surprise! You're account was deleted!"

  • Me using a shitty metaphor for explaining how to deal with serious bugs:

Mel: It's like we have genital warts. Either we can put makeup on it to cover it up, or we can spend the money on a good doctor and get that shit removed.
Everyone: :uhh: :uhh: :uhh:
Thomas: ...What I think Mel is trying to say is...
Thomas: we're on a boat that is sinking. Either we can try to do quick, temporary fixes by using bandaids to cover the holes, or we can take the time to properly fix the boat.

  • Our unofficial company tagline:

Powered by Korean BBQ

  • In Miami, president walks over to a group of big black guys sipping girly drinks:

Gary: You a bunch of girls or something? What's up with the fufu drinks?
Gary: Your drink is all pink and you got a girly little straw and everything.

Gary: So what do you guys do?
Big Black Guy: I'm in the music biz. These guys are my crew.
Gary: Cool, I actually work with a lot of guys in the music industry.

A few minutes later...

Gary: Listen, I gotta head out but give me your number so we can talk some shop sometime.
Gary: pulls out cellphone
Gary: How do you spell your name again?
Big Black Guy: S-U-G-E   K-N-I-G-H-T

Diary

What I Learned from JBB

Just over a month ago, my beloved baby, JustBBall.com, was acquired by SportsTwo.com. I'm still working with my members over there, but I have a much more reduced role than before, which is perfect because I'm using the time to focus on my career. (S2 is still in it's infancy, but I'm working with the webmaster on making it more user-friendly.)

JBB was started back in January 2003 and since then, had acquired 11,828 members. I've made some good friends and amazing business contacts along the way. Hell, I got my current job because of my co-administrator. Everything I know as a working man in the internet industry is because of JBB. All the stuff I learned from textbooks has been long forgotten, but here are a few of the real-life business lessons I learned.

  • Internet people are extremely impatient. Piss them off just once and they can leave your forever with just one click.

  • It's possible to build a very strong trust and loyalty with people you've never even met in person.

  • It's absolutely impossible to please everybody.

  • If you have to make a change that affects your customers, give them a heads up, stick with your gut and you'll be alright.

  • Negative feedback is always louder, more passionate and comes in all at once.

  • When dealing with an uproar, ride the storm for a few days. When the dust settles, you'll be left with honest and constructive criticism.

  • There are some truly, tragically bad apples out there that will carefully plan out ways to destroy you.

  • Never make promises on timelines (unless you really, really have to).

  • Don't put your eggs in an unreliable basket.

  • Don't put your eggs in an unfinished basket.

  • You only get one shot at a good first impression.

  • Rushing and cutting corners is a wasted opportunity.

  • You need a plan from the very beginning or the loose ends will grow to gapping holes down the road.

  • The first few of a community are the most important. They set the trend from the start.

  • Most startup communities die within a year.

  • Focused instant messaging is 100x more efficient than email.

  • Don't force users to do stuff (i.e. register). Encourage and inspire them instead (i.e. by sharing everything to everyone).

  • Listen to everyone. There's no such thing as a stupid customer. There's always another point-of-view to learn from.

  • Its easy to merge business and personal life on the internet; its damn near impossible to undo that. (cough myspace)

  • On the internet, sarcasm is the root of all drama.

  • Less is more? No. Balance is more.

  • Nobody cuddles up to their computer monitor to read a long story. Internet users skim read for something to catch their eye.

  • It's who you know that gets your foot in the door.

  • Internet Explorer 6 is the worst piece of shit in the history of the world. Use Firefox.