yesterday i went to porn convention. daaaaamn. me, mark, raynell, eric and joey were all there for 5 hours...my how time flies when you're surrounded by pornstars. there was this booth that i checked out that was selling sex toys...and the lady was trying to demonstrate some shit to me...
Mel: hey, what's this? (i pick up some hard spongy ball thing)
Lady: that is a waterproof vibrator...
Lady: (picks it up and turns it on)
Lady: this is really good when you have sex in the shower...for example when you do your girl doggystyle, you can put it on her clit while you do her from behind...
Mel: ahh ok
Lady: or if you're gay, you can do it like...
Mel: (interrupts) NO. i'm straight.
Lady: oh, ok
Mel: whoa, is that a fake pussy?
Lady: yes it is!! check this out!! (picks it up and lubes up the insides)
Lady: this thing is great!!
Lady: stick you finger in it!!
Mel: nah...really...its ok....
Lady: no no no, come on, just try it
Mel: nah....
Lady: DO IT!!!
Mel: fine!!!
Mel:...
Lady: doesn't that feel like a real pussy? like a really tight one?
Mel: (thinking to myself how gross this is) uhhhh yeah
Mel: ...can you pass me a tissue, please??
so anyways, when i was there i also caught up with augustus and gave him the grand tour. there were a buncha pornstars this year, including tera patrick, brittanny andrews, brianna banks, dyanna lauren, serenity, ron jeremy and a whole lot more. i'll post up the pics as soon as i can.
holy balls am i spent. the past couple days i've been in vegas partying with hayes, isabelle, ashwin...and with a few special guest appearances by janet, anne, kim & rachel.
Day 1 - Tuesday
so i wake up early and head over to santa monica to pick up hayes and his "friend"...(don't take this the wrong way but) i was expecting to meet just another horny guy that wanted to tag along for some partying and buffet-cleaning...instead, i was introduced to a nicely tanned texas cutie, isabelle. things were goin' great when we first started talking...but then over the course of the drive to vegas i realized that sweet little isabelle is in fact my exact opposite. first of all, she's a feminist that hates hearing the word, "bitch." secondly, she's vegetarian. thirdly, she's a health/fitness freak that LOVES to walk...to put it in one small word...isabelle is the ANTI-MEL. here's a sample conversation of me and her....
Mel: mmmmm Fat Burger looks goooooooood. Isabelle: eww gross, red meat!! we are not eating there!! Mel: Mel: lets take a cab. Isabelle: but its such a beautiful night to walk around the strip!! Mel: fuck that. i want a cab....(but i don't wanna pay for all of it)....FINE.
anyways, eventually we got to vegas...hayes and isabelle swam a bit (i forgot my board shorts again, damnit)...went back to the room and smoked a bit...then eventually headed out to eat some pizza...even though i was craving for Fat Burger, little miss anti-mel couldn't...so anyways as the night went on...i can't remember what we did after eating pizza...we probably smoked some more...but we eventually met up with their friend Ashwin (pronounced "osh-win"). as soon as we all met up, i caught up with janet & co and we went to Harrahs to get one of those yardstick Long Island Iced Teas (the one with the big ol plastic bottom and a long ass neck)...costed $15 but it was worth it.
we ended up walking around the strip for a long ass time...and i was really really buzzed from the drink....and all eventually decided to hit up a bar. the original plan was to go downstairs (of the hotel that we were staying) and drink at the nearest bar....i was tired as fuck from all the walking earlier...but i decided to go with them...after all, we WERE just going downstairs...
but no...when we get there, they all conveniently decide that we should hit up the Voodoo Lounge at Rio....since i was outnumbered i had no choice but to go with them...so off we went...and...about 1.5 miles and 45 minutes later we get there...only to find out that we didn't meet the dress code...so basically...all that motherfucking walking for nothing...so there i was, all sober & bitching....we all went back to the hotel to talk things over about what to do for the rest of the night...but i passed out.
Day 2 - Wednesday
we all woke up around 12ish and my parents offered to pay for our lunch...at an All-You-Can-Eat Buffet at The Palms...
so after cleaning house, we went to downtown vegas to do some really cheap gambling (25 cent tables). i ended up playing 50 cent roulette for a long ass time....i won about $20 at it....but then i gambled it all away....so anyways...after all the gambling, we bought some bicardi for the night and then headed back.
later that night, we started taking shots of the bicardi...each of us got like 5-7 good shots and then we headed out to the Ghost Bar at The Palms....and when we get there, the bouncers completely laugh at isabelle's (what we all thought was an EXCELLENT) ID and deny her admittance....but at least they were cool and they explained to us why they could tell the ID was fake...so whatever, we talk about it with some stripper chick and somehow i ended up giving her my phone number...(bitch hasn't called me yet...)
anyways, we end up at the Voodoo Lounge and this place was bumpin!!! the live band was fucking awesome and the place was just rockin. hayes decided to pay for all of our drinks...so that night i ended up downing 3 long islands again (keep in mind we had bicardi earlier)...and very shortly i was compeltely trashed. the place eventually closed up so we had to go downstairs....and then we realize how "friendly" the casino is to you when you're completely shit-faced....somehow ashwin ended up blowing a ton of cash at $10 roulette and i was running around telling random people "happy birthday!!!" drunken isabelle and i talked about us and "even though we are complete opposites, we're still cool together cuz opposites attract."
anyways eventually, janet calls me up and tells me they're eating $2 steak and eggs at The Orleans...all of us get there but i ended up being the only guy sticking around with janet & the girls for some breakfast...(ashwin & isabelle were kicked out so hayes had to bring 'em back to the room)...and we totally pig out and then i get dropped off to my room at 5 in the morning, still drunk as fuck...
Day 3 - Thursday
we get up by 10:00 and head out. we were all hungover...but ashwin was by far the worst...the whole motherfucking afternoon he was yacking in my car into a little cup...."uuuuuuuuuwet....uuuuuwet.....uuuuuuuuuuuuuwet " was all i could hear throughout the drive...
anyways, to close things off, i finally had a real vegas experience...which of course included the overload of alcohol and the losing of $150...and i absolutely loved it. i spent 2 bangin' days getting drunk and fuckin' around...got to bond with my HS buddy for his birthday...got to kick it with janet & co...and last but not least, made some new friends in ashwin and my attractive-opposite, isabelle.
schoooooooooooooool's out for the summer!!! its kinda sad though...this year was definitely the best year in the dorms and now it must all come to an end. a ton of the montecito crew is leavin' and only a very very few are staying behind. i'm gonna miss the late nights when chops, neil-jason, spencer, sean, sam, tank, and all the other guys fuck around in the hallways...so many fuckin' good times and great laughs...gonna miss that shit. i dunno if there's gonna be another year in the dorms like this year again...
aight, so last night darwin (my roomie) and i put our hamsters, pube & duke, into our hamster playpen. pube is 1 year old and duke is only a couple months, but he's gone thru a growth spurt and caught up in size with pube. (duke has also got a fuck buddy hamster, which belongs to darwin's gf....pube is still in the v-club). aaaaaanyway, in the past the two have been ok when around eachother...but last night the little shits started fighting. if you've never seen a hamster fight, its just like in the cartoons when a "fight cloud" is formed and the two roll around in a ball trying to bite eachother. i slap the two of them to break them up and when i reach down to grab pube, that hairy little shit named duke jumped at my hand and bit the shit out of my middle finger. HURT LIKE A BITCH. i've been bit before but those were just a little painful and had no piercing of skin....but this time...this time the little fucker had penetration. my fuckin' finger wouldn't stop bleeding. also, pube got bit in the face...but its all good cuz he got duke in the back real good. :tonguefawk:
as chin likes to put it:
Scoreboard
Duke: 2
Pube: 1
Mel: 0
oh, and to add insult to injury, the only bandaid around here was at neil's room...and he only has winnie the pooh bandaids.
god damn, what a fucking weekend. on thursday, had lunch with this one cutie from my class...also, i was supposed to have my econ test but my professor accidently printed the wrong exam...so the test was cancelled. i ran back to the dorms to watch Game 6 of the Lakers-Spurs series...only to watch the Spurs knock the Lakers out of the playoffs (we'll be back next year, bitches). alan drove in and we headed to my place in long beach. i smoked up, got shitfaced and pigged out on like 10 of those little microwaveable white castle burgers...can't remember what else happened cuz i was a little fucked up...
friday we didn't really do much...woke up and watched matrix reloaded...i kept fading out during the movie cuz i still had some shit in my system (yes, 15 hours AFTER i smoked and i was still fucked)...went back home and watched more movies and played nba street...at night i smoked up, got shitfaced and watched some low-budget porn called Play-mate of the Apes....yeah...you think the title is horrible, try watching the movie...high...
saturday, my good 'ol buddy joe called me up to play some ball. played with a buncha dirty black guys (dirty in the 'they played dirty' sense)...played for like 2 hours and then we were spent...but OGB (aka omar gharbo bastard) called us up so we drove down to huntington beach to kick it with him. oh yeah, on the way there we were pulled over by a cop for speeding...but we were eventually let go. anyways, his bitch ass aunt wouldn't let him come out, but we just chilled for a few hours. we also had my brother's GPS system so after leaving gharbos, alan and i explored around huntington beach for an hour or so...oh yeah, we were also pulled over AGAIN by a cop for the suspicion of DUI. apparently alan was swirving left and right while speeding...he even had a little sobriety test...anyways, eventually we drove to a hooka place and smoked hubbly for an hour...went back home and passed out.
on sunday we were all sore and shit but then natalie gave us a call and wanted to have dinner with us at benihanas in santa monica. we got my brother's GPS again and met up with natalie and her friend yasmine (sp?) from dhahran. they were already finished eating so we just had some icecream tempura and chilled there for a while. we mentioned that we smoked hubbly the night before so natalie insisted we do it in LA at this one place she knows...went there and smoked for a couple hours then eventually parted ways...but the night wasn't finished yet. since we had a GPS system we decided to explore all around LA (which under normal circumstances, i would NEVER have the balls to do). we got lost for like 45 mins but we eventually found our way out.
monday, after my PE classes and group meeting, we went to Brea Mall...a damn nice mall in a very nice part of town. my cousin that works at the banana republic there, always mentioned how hot the girls are at the Holister store there...so alan and i decided to check it out...and GOD DAMN. holister is supposed to be a subdivision of Abercrombie or something...not exactly sure but one thing i know is MAD HOTTIES shop there.
its days like these when i actually learn a lot from class. today a guest speaker came into our business management class and talked about his journey up the "corporate ladder." he's a cal poly alumn...but it took him 9 years to graduate. kinda makes me feel good cuz i'm probably lookin' at a 7 year plan myself. anyways, he talked about how he moved from wisconsin to LA in hopes of being a rock star...but he didn't make it in that so he turned to little jobs like sweeping at K-Mart...kept working at it...and now he's making $300 grand a year as CEO of a brokerage firm.
one tip he told us was "pick your enemies carefully...cuz you don't want an enemy that can beat you...you want an enemy that you can squash like a bug."
another tip he told us was, as shitty as it sounds, there is no real such thing as "fairness" in business...all it comes down to is how productive you are and how much money your company is making because of you.
he also made a big deal on how you can never be overdressed for an interview. "if you can spend $1,500 on a really nice suit...get it. if you can get a $500 tie...get it too. image is everything in the corporate world."
after 1.5 hours of speaking, the theme that was prevalent throughout his lecture was how when you start out at the bottom, be good to everyone and karma will pay you back. for example, whenever he finished a big project he'd give all of the credit to his co-workers and none to himself. even though he made the effort to make his co-workers look better, everyone knew that he was the one in charge and he deserved a lot of the credit. he modesty and generosity paid off and now he's a CEO banking in $300K a year.
i just got an email from a (canadian) journalist that's working on an article on foreigners that grew up in saudi. if any of you guys are interested in getting interviewed or something, drop me a line and i'll see if i can hook you up.
today's a good day!! no, i didn't get laid or anything (inshallah) but i was talkin' to some cute girls in class this morning. also i just finished a kick ass design for my justbball.com...by far the coolest design i've ever done!! hopefully i'll have it up within a week.
another cool thing is i found someone that is really tight with the guy that runs the Summer Pro League in long beach. its a HUGE hookup because a lot of bball superstars play there...which means a whole shit load of national publicity...and i might actually get my site promoted there!!! just watch, one of these days kobe bryant and other stars are gonna be sporting justbball gear!! man, this networking shit is cool!!
on the way to lunch i watched two ducks doing it. mr. duck was all biting her neck and doing it rough and shit...it was was funny but also strangely arousing... :bigthumbup:
