Whenever you're at a place for a period of time, you start to notice certain things about random people around you. And lots of times, that becomes the way you remember people, e.g. Paul the Wine Guy or Drunken Josh the Party Foul Guy. In high school, the guys knew me as Mel the Porn Guy and Mel the Icy Hot Guy (which are two stories we don't need to get into right now).
Cal Poly was no exception. There were tons of random guys in the classroom and on campus. Lots of times, I never got their names but it's still very easy to remember the people by what they have done.
So today, I present to you the big list of types of college people that I will miss:
The Teacher's Pet - We've all seen this person. He or she is always the one raising their hand and answering the teacher's questions. They tend to sit in the front of the classroom so they can mingle and share inside jokes with the teacher.
The Ass-Kisser - This person wants to be the Teacher's Pet, and does a lot of the same things as the Teacher's Pet, except lacks one distinctive quality -- intelligence. This person tries to (over)compensate for their lack of intelligent contributions to the class with ass-kissing remarks like "you look good today" and "you're so funny!!"
The Geek with Glasses and Long Hair - This guy is one of the wierdest guys in the bunch, but equally as intelligent. He's smart as fuck, but doesn't yearn to be buddy-buddy with the professor like the Teacher's Pet. He's often pretty quiet, but he will always have a mouthful to say when the professor calls on him. He'll crack a joke once in a while, but his jokes are too smart for everyone else in the class to understand.
The Old Guy - For some reason or another, this guy, in his 30s or 40s, comes back to college to take classes. Not always the brightest of the bunch, but this guy is extremely hardworking and really willing to learn. Often times has remarks that begin with "in industry we " and "in the real world we like to ." If there's a group project for the class, you definitely want to team with this guy because its a guaranteed A.
The Mother-Going-Back-to-School - Most likely this woman is coming back to school because she missed out on it when she was younger. It's not a surprise if you see her one day dragging her daughter into a 4pm class and making her sit through a class period.
The Class Clown - This guy is funny as hell. He yearns to be the center of attention and is willing to do some outrageous stuff to do it. It's always a dude, and he's almost always a perverted one. You definitely wanna team up with this guy if you have to do a skit.
Mr. Lame Jokes - This guy is to the Class Clown the same way the Ass-Kisser is to the Teacher's Pet. He tries to be something that he's not -- funny. Always cracking the lamest jokes that absolutely no one laughs at, except for his girlfriend, if she's there. This guy likes to sit towards the middle of classroom, and all the guys behind him make gestures of slapping him, punching him, or snapping his neck.
The Fuck-Up - This guy truly is a fuck-up. He's the biggest trouble-maker and it makes you wonder how a guy like him even got admitted to the school. He draws on the desks with pens, throws paper airplanes and erasers across the classroom, and even does shit like light pencils on fire when the professor isn't looking. Needless to say, this student doesn't last very long at college.
The Fobby Asian Dude and his Fobby Girlfriend - These two fresh-off-the-boat students barely speak a lick of english in public. They are always talking in some foreign language behind the professors back. They don't talk to anyone else. They seem to never learn anything from the classroom, yet they always score well on tests and assignments. They piss you off.
The Quiet Asian Guys - These guys sit together in bunches, usually in groups of at least three, and they do nothing but sit there. They're not taking notes, they're not doodling...they just...sit there. They tend to sit towards the back of the classroom. And when it comes time for presentations, they go up as a group and you're always wondering "where the fuck did these guys come from??"
The Two Hotties - The hot girls always come in pairs, the same way that girls go to the bathroom in pairs. They're both equally hot, and they're both of equal intelligence (which isn't always saying much). They're always talking amongst themselves, usually about what they did over the weekend, and it's always loud enough for other people to hear. Guys eavesdrop on their conversations in hopes of hearing something naughty.
The Diehard Sports Fan - This guy will always wear something that promotes their favorite team, whether its a hat, t-shirt or whatever. And somehow, this guy always finds a way to slip in news about their team.
The Curve Wrecker / Over-Achiever - This guy is either really vocal or really quiet. It's always one or the other. But one thing that is for sure, if there's an exam that everyone fails except one person that scores a 98%, its this person. And if there's ever a day when the teacher is over 15 minutes late, everyone in the class will leave except for this person because he/she "just wants to make sure." You want to kill this person. Or at least sit by them during exams.
The Foreign Exchange Student - This student or group of students come to your college to study for a semester or so. (duh.) You have to remember that foreign exchange programs require a certain GPA in order to even apply. With that said, its no surprise that these students are either really smart or really hardworking. You definitely, definitely wanna team up with these guys for any group projects.
The Text-Message Whore - Always on the cellphone, text-messaging at 130 words per minute.
The Always-Late-to-Class Guy - This guy or girl always walks into the classroom 15+ minutes late. It amazes you how non-chalant they look when they walk in despite the fact that they are consistenly late on the regular basis.
The Forgot-to-Turn-Off-Their-Cellphone Guy - This guy has the loudest, most annoying ringtone ever and it almost always goes off at least once in class. It's guaranteed to go off during exams as well. It's very common that this guy is also the Always-Late-to-Class Guy.
The Wierd Trenchcoat (and Sunglasses) Guy - Why the fuck is this guy wearing a black trenchcoat and sunglasses in Southern California???
The Popular Girl - This girl is super cute and extremely social. She's the exception to the Two Hotties rule, and she's willing to talk to anyone and everyone. She's not slutty at all, and is often times completely naive of how attractive she is. She is the ultimate tease.
The Dumbass - Mama must have been smoking something during pregnancy because this guy is just retarded. His stupidity is only matched by his confidence, which allows him to shamelessly hold up the entire class and ask the professor questions that were three chapters ago. Everyone laughs at him, but he doesn't care because he "has the balls to ask 'good' questions."
And there you have it, the ultimate list of the different types of people you will meet at college. As wierd as this bunch is, I'm gonna miss 'em all.
